[0021]

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;

One need not be a house;

The brain has corridors surpassing material place.

-- Emily Dickinson

[Happy Halloween]

(Photo by: A. Sarkar)

[0020] - Andy Warhol

Loves it.

[0019]

I know a lady in Venice would have walked barefoot to Palestine for a touch of his nether lip.
-- Shakespeare (Othello, Act 4 Scene 4)

[0018]

"They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, they are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? -- Carpe -- hear it? -- Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day, make your lives extraordinary."
- John Keating (Dead Poets Society)

[0017]

A few days ago someone asked me a very enlightening scenario based question: "say you broke up with your significant other, and once upon a time loved him very much, would you rather he beg you to stay, and be unrelenting psycho-obsessive about it and not leave you alone or would you rather he just say okay, fine whatever and walk away, never to look back?" I thought of the question for a bit and asked if there was an inbetween choice I could pick, and the person said no, because then it would eliminate the diagnostic purpose of the question, and that only the two extremes were available to choose from. So initially I said I'd rather him just say okay whatever and walk out of my life...but then I realized how much that would hurt. In essence that would mean that my absence doesn't affect him in the least bit, and it would show he never really cared too much about me all along (provided that we were in a very close relationship with tonnes of love, as mentioned in the question.) Pondering that outcome, I started to think about it very long and hard. In the past if I broke up with someone, I always got really irritated if they didn't leave me alone right away or kept asking me to forgive them or take them back. But now, I realized how shitty (for lack of a better word) I'd feel if they just said hmm well all right, see ya later. I take that begging, pleading phase for granted, not knowing how much worse I would feel if they were indifferent to my conclusion of the relationship. At the time the whole psycho-obsessive, unrelenting phase is a huge pain in the ass, and I always think how much more peaceful I'd be if they just left me alone. But no...I now know that I wouldn't be peaceful at all. It would hurt a hell of a lot more for the person to walk away, no strings attached. Intrinsically, us humans are designed to feel a certain "gassing" to the head when someone begs for our love. We all feel good inside when someone begs us to stay or tells us how sucky their life would be if we were not a part of it. We take an inner joy almost, to another persons suffering. It is the brutal truth, albeit said in a very blunt manner, but honest nonetheless. No one likes to admit this certain fact. I know for sure that if someone told me I find joy in other peoples suffering, I'd say what the hell are you talking about! It seems so absurd and evil, but the very main essence and reality of the issue is that we do take an almost subconscious sigh of relief in our once upon a time lover's woes; especially those directly regarding us. We act as though we don't care for their begging and pleading, as though we want them to just vanish, but deep down inside we're happy that we left a mark deep enough for them to throw their pride away. To grovel at our feet. To beg for mercy. We tell them to stop over and over, but deep inside we're saying yesss. Very, very, very, deep down inside however, to an almost unconscious level. Vicious, vile, villainous? Yes, some might say so. But it is the very honest, very impartial truth. Next time it happens to you, search your soul, and you will also find that voice inside you saying yesss.

[0016]

[0015]

"To him she seemed so beautiful, so seductive, so different from ordinary people, that he could not understand why no one was as disturbed as he by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones, why no one else's heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils, why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid, the flight of her hands, the gold of her laughter. He had not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character, but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell."
--Love in the Time of Cholera

[0014]

Revelation: There's more than one form of attraction.

Of course there's the kind where you lust for someone, then there's the kind where you wish they'd lust for you. But then there's also the kind where you find tonnes of potential...like marriage maybe? To find the potential of not just a fling, but of something deeper. You're not in love yet, because you don't know the person well enough. Yet you're attracted to them, because they're different; young and proper. And that difference of a feeling makes you rethink your strategy. Or maybe even rethink the whole attraction, because it seems absolutely absurd. And when you start thinking rationally, it is in fact very outlandish, because what the hell? How can you be simply attracted to someone, in a very clandestine way might I add, yet still think of a future potential? Also, how can you be attracted to someone in a very lustful way, yet you think of the person as the timid version of Cary Grant? The entire thing is foolish, and probably very very ephemeral! But then you start to think that you're just desperate for a little forbidden fun. The thrill you might get out of wooing a young, very innocent person. Of taking them over to the dark, pleasurable, sinful side. Evil, I know...yet the very thought of it gets your blood rushing.

[0013]

Baby you are not to blame at all, when I'm the one who pushed you away.

[0012]

"For while you wallow in complaint, Beauty kisses you awake each morning with a new day. With eternal patience she whispers, 'Release your burden, come outside yourself, and be with me.' And though you may turn away with...little notice, she concedes always with kindness and is never offended" - Kahlil Gibran

Wake up everyone! The world is your oyster. Enjoy the trivial things, find your sanctuary in someones smile, laugh when you're angered, and fall asleep at night knowing you're in your prime. No one controls you, your thoughts are your own. Believe it. The world is yours for the taking. Receive it :)

[0011]

Why do the good things in life seem so shortlived? Whereas the sucky things seem to drag on for ages and ages. Everyone always says you never know what you have until it's gone. And each time you realize that that's exactly what happened. You vow to yourself that next time you'll cherish the good times, the better things in life; while you have them, and not once they're gone. But does that ever really happen? Why are we programmed to always focus on the negative aspects of whatever's going on? Why can't we ever pause and take time to be grateful for all the great things going for us? While thinking about all the horrible things emerging out of a situation, if we were to just pause and think of the larger picture, to think of all the great things that trump the nastiness of that given situation, we'd be infinitely happier. But does anybody ever actually do this? Maybe a few, but definitely nobody I know. Not even myself. Playing the devils advocate, I could say that no one is ever that happy-go-lucky, and once in despair, not even thinking about the greatness of anything can help you come out of it. As they say, misery loves company, and we begin to surround ourselves with more negative energy, be it subconsciously or not. How does anybody stop themselves from doing that? No one wants to muster up enough effort to come out of that gloom, but no body likes being in that gloom in the first place. I don't think there's an absolute, divine, or correct answer to any of the aforementioned questions. All I know is that I don't wanna be that kind of person anymore. What I don't know is where to begin to reform myself. But that's the fun part right? Trying to find things out about yourself slowly, and making minor changes as you go along. It's all a maze I think, the universe as the ring leader, and us as it's pawns.

[0010]

I'll be looking out, night and day. Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay. I can't go any further than this.

[0009]

[0008]

I've heard that "chivalry is dead" for as long as I can remember, maybe before I even knew what the word chivalry meant. I, like many other individuals, had accepted it. In my mind, yes chivalry had in fact died a slow yet somehow sudden death. Having accepted it, I no longer expected it, not a single bit. Lately however, I've been doing a lot of soul searching (yes I know, how cliché) about myself, my needs, and how they relate to the people I surround myself with on a daily basis. One question automatically sprung to mind: why does society deem it natural for one to eventually accept something they don't like? After thinking about it for a long time, I realized that chivalry hasn't died, people just stopped insisting upon it, and then accepted the loss as normal. Now if that's not a tragedy, then what is? Why, ladies (and I suppose gentlemen) do we repeatedly settle for people who repeatedly fall short of our ideals and standards? Why must we settle for second best? The absence of chivalry is only a notion we've planted in our heads because no one wants to deal with the disappointment that comes after a certain individual doesn't act accordingly to our needs. We've told ourselves that chivalry is outdated and not needed anymore, to justify the misdeeds of the opposite gender. If he doesn't open the car door for you, and you expected him to, you tell yourself "ah well chivalry is dead anyway, isn't it?" If he doesn't buy you flowers on your birthday, you tell yourself "oh well no one does that very much anymore anyway." If he doesn't call you when he tells you he will, you tell yourself "ah well everyone forgets every now and then." Well I say it's foolish to be making excuses to hide your disappointment and justifying clearly unjust actions. Chivalry has not died, it's still there, the only thing you need to do is expect it and let your expectation be known. If you yourself don't care about how you're treated, then nobody else will either.

[0007]

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

[0006]

I feel a sense of urgency.
I know what I'm in need of urgently, but I don't know to bring about the chain of events that would probably erase that urgency.
It's becoming a nuisance. And I need to get rid of it.
I don't know how though.
So that makes it somewhat of an indefinite problem.

That's all for now.

[0005]

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

[0004]

One of my best friends has recently just decided that she wants to pursue a career in the fashion world. I put myself in her shoes, and only then can I begin to understand the magnitude of the courage she's displayed by taking that step. That statement might sound a little melodramatic to any observer who's somewhat of an outsider to the situation. However, given the culture from which she stems, (and myself also, but I am besides the point here) it's an act of complete rebellion. Gone are the fretful days of worrying what her parents will think, or what if she doesn't succeed, or what if she's disowned, or crushing her fathers dreams, or not belonging to what her taught values entail as a "noble" profession. It's not about them anymore, it's about herself. Listening to her talk about her passion and watching her take action to actually make it happen, has made me reflect on my own life. Are my decisions truly my own? Or are they by-products of my upbringing and influences of the people in my life? I don't want any regrets in the future. I want to be able to seek solace in the fact that the mistakes I might have made were my own doing, to be able to know that at least I did it my way. Everyone has their own definition of success; and mine is just being able to look back on my life and loving each mistake, each trial, and each struggle I went through to become the person I am. It would probably be a great feeling to know you have all the time in the world to create yourself, and I really want that for myself. Her epiphany sort of gave way to my own and I feel liberated. You should never allow anyone other than yourself to dictate the way you live. Never allow anyone to put boundaries on your dreams. Be who you are, do what makes you thrive. That way you're making at least one person happy...the most important person: yourself.

[0003]

Amen to that.

[0002]

All these things have you said of beauty.

Yet in truth you spoke not of her

but of needs unsatisfied,

And beauty is not a need but an ecstasy.

beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.

But you are life and you are the veil.

Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.

But you are eternity and you are the mirror.

-Kahlil Gibran

[0001]

Okay so my first blog post! I have always wanted to start blogging but never really had the time or enough energy to actually start. Now since I have more free time on my hands than is healthy, I figured there's never going to be a better time. Also, lately I've been reading a lot of really interesting ones, and thought it would be awesome to share my own thoughts. Enjoy!
xo, Haneen