[0215] Inebriated rant.

"Life changes. You get it all lined up just the way you like it and then something beyond your control comes along and bumps you off the center. How nice it would be if you could get everything just the way you want it and say 'okay, now, stay'. But nothing stays the same. You grow up, make friends, lose friends, go to college, lost track of people, meet new ones, and sometimes you ask yourself why. But all I can tell you is that every single experience you go through like this changed you in someway. Every new person who comes into your life changes you. Every moral dilemma or emotional experience you come up against, changes you. It's your job to decide how. That's how character is developed. It's the rule of life that everything you have always wanted comes the very second you stop looking for it."

At this very moment, all I feel is a deep sadness to know that everything in my life has changed so much in the past year. Change; they say it's good, it's inevitable. I think that no matter how much I crave change, to do something different, to meet different people, when it finally happens, I miss the old things. I miss someone, a lot. Change is what lead me away from him, change is what I wanted when I wanted not to speak to him anymore, change is I thought he needed; thus I changed circumstances for us both. This change makes me wonder what he's doing, how he is. I know he needs to figure out life without me, because that's what I need to do as well. But a girl can't help but feel nostalgic. I lied. I don't feel nostalgic, I feel sad. I feel a loss. I feel like a lost a very dear one, dear to my heart. We had our differences, we were different people, we treated each other differently. We had different goals in life, we saw the world differently, we gave up on different things. In all ways possible, we were different. But he was my friend above all else. Before anything, he was my friend. And I feel a gripping sadness at this loss of my friend. Not my lover, but my friend.