[0115]

We all need something to look forward to. That's what life is all about. We set our eyes on some distant thing in future, and ride the waves till we get to it. After it has passed, we set our eyes on yet another thing, until that too has passed. It's a never ending cycle that keeps us alive. We do this again and again till we die. True story.

[0114]

[0113]

"Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self."

-- Cyril Connolly

[0112]

I want to release my inner craziness. I want to let my closet maniac out. I want to be free. Free like the winds that tunnel through a city, swift and rapid. I want my life to vibrate with unrelenting laughter; for it to blur by in a haze of euphoric smoke. I want to feel like there are no chains holding me back, no societal expectations telling me what's good for me. I want to be myself in the most primitive yet complex way. I want to spring myself into the depths of eternity and never look back. I want to run as fast as my feet will carry me and yell out "catch me if you can!"

[0111]

Haha, made me smile for a bit :)

[0110]

Prolonged endurance, tames the bold.

-- Lord Byron

[0109]

"For you, a thousand times over"

-- Khaled Hosseini [Kite Runner]

Simple words that mean so much

[0108]

In this day and age, what does it really mean to be ridiculed? Society has cleansed a lot of obscene behaviour and downgraded it so that even when someone wants to humiliate you, they barr themselves from actually speaking out, for fear of retribution. This sensory mechanism that prohibits you from acting out quite obviously leads to other forms of ridicule. Nowadays, you find yourself being covertly ridiculed, as insane as it sounds. I find that it comes in compact sizes, mostly from people you think are your companions and fellow members of society that seem to be in the same boat as you. This type of ridicule is masked in compliments and seemingly tender words. It's cloaked in a simple, harmless joke. The kind that is armoured in a laugh. To put it quite straightforwardly, this ridicule comes at you with a smile. So how do you reprimand someone for what they have done when it seems so harmless? How can you stand up for what you believe in and take a stand against discreet persecution when it doesn't seem immediately disturbing? Such is the inherent downfall we as humans have bestowed upon ourselves. While shunning obscene, hurtful, overt behaviour, we have left the backdoor open for snide comments disguised in a friends voice to fester in our sanctuaries. The most tragic flaw of humanity is the way we can swiftly put down someone else without even thinking twice about the impact it might have. God has made us the most sentient beings, and we have perverted that privilege so thoroughly that it makes me feel like I'm drowning in an abyss of shame. I feel overwhelmingly penitent that I belong to this repugnant, vile, depraved, malignant species. We are the only creation of the almighty that have continuously attacked and destroyed each other since the beginning of humanity. And we are so deceiving and spiteful that we have now come to the phase of acting in each others best interest while scheming of new ways to annihilate one another. This will not end. Nor will we learn to surpass it. We are the bearers of our own misfortune. We should not be allowed to ask God why he throws us into grave injustices. We have plunged ourselves so deep into a vat of sin, that it comes as no surprise that God himself will not save our corrupt souls.

[0107]

"You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect since - on the river, on the sail of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made, are not more real, or more impossible to displace with your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. To the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil."

-- Charles Dickens [Great Expectations]

[0106]

[0105]

Profound Annoyance of the Week, Volume 2:

Eff choosing between what your heart wants and what your mind wants. Eff having to decide what's best for you in the long run. WhyTF can't I just have both? Why does life always have to throw the most inconvenient things your way and in the heat of the moment make it look so desirable and indispensable. Eff everyone who said "the heart attains what the heart desires" ... at the price of what exactly? Your peace of mind? The need to sacrifice all that you believe in? The need for unbarring compromise? Good lord, what I wouldn't do to have my heart attain what it truly desires. But for the life of me I can't figure out a way for it to go about doing that. There is too much on the line. EFF THE WORLD! EFF THIS STUPID BULL$#*T. I just want to be happy man...is that too much to ask for nowadays? Damn the 21st century and all the hypocritical, vapid, completely absurd fundamentals that come with it, damn it all to hell.

Till next week,

Haneen

[0104]

A man must dream a long time in order to act with grandeur, and dreaming is nursed in darkness.
-- Jean Genet

[0103]

When a man must force himself to be faithful in his love, this is hardly better than unfaithfulness.

-- French writer, Francois de La Rochefoucauld.

Maximes and Memoirs, both fabulous reads by Rochefoucauld, have an intense variation when it comes to reading 17th century work. Gentle cynicism; exactly what helps me get through my days currently. I'm at a crossroads at figuring out who exactly I am and he says things like "a refusal of praise is but a desire to be praised twice." If you think about it, how true is that? Very. He helps define moments in my young life, however profound that sounds. After all, you are what you read.

[0102]

The best things in life:

1. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
2. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep
3. First kisses
4. Making new friends and spending time with old ones
5. Singing in the bathroom
6. Sweet dreams
7. Hot chocolate
8. Making brownies and cookies
9. Holding hands with someone you care about
10. Watching a sunset
11. Sleeping in
12. Taking long hot showers
13. Starbucks
14. Knowing that somebody misses you
15. Remembering there's left over pie in the fridge :)